Back to Bangalore

I have been asking myself what did I bring back from the faraway land of freedom -- Goa. What did those 60 hours of moving away from home to the land of fun do for me? I know there's always something to gain but the ability to feel it, experience it, gauge it, and narrate it is getting blunted.
Maybe, making a list of the impressions the trip to Goa, the place and the journey back home had on my mind could help me come out of this blank state:

• Long overnight journeys in small cramped vehicles can be very uncomfortable
• The happiness friends' company gives is the most unadulterated form of joy
• High expectations always precede a journey
• The value of banter is highly underestimated
• The search for clean washrooms in India is a futile endeavor
• I love having access to black tea
• You can neither get away from nor get rid of the corrupt Indian systems like police, RTO
• Money owns beauty
• Sea impresses, whether near or far
• My lungs are close to retirement
• Prawns are the best
• A good host can leave a lasting impression
• Ostracizing can be a justified punishment
• There are people who appreciate wine more than me
• Is Goa a part of India?
• Women today are really bold and beautiful
• Good times = drinking and smoking = not true
• Good life can be good
• There are moments of disconnect with everyone and everything
• Europeans are beautiful
• Sea instills excitement and awe
• My inherent fear screws my life
• Sea can make you its slave
• Clumsy dancing and self-conscious attempts are ok
• Daring is often born out of necessity
• Shacks lure you with their simple sophistication and promise of liberation
• Lights (glowing candles and lamps on the seashore) and sounds (music, the beat of the waves) are forever parts of my life
• The ubiquitous Whites leave you craving for their carefree lives
• The flow of booze and money is never-ending
• A short visit is like an appetizer; it leaves you hungry for more
• Leaving a place is easier than leaving friends
• Going home can be sad
• All good things end too soon
• The mindset changes with the place
• Attitude makes Goa; Any place can be Goa

Why did he jump into the sea?

Why did he jump into the sea? I would never know. Was it a very normal and simple act for him? Again, I would never know.

Eleven of us were on a yacht miles off the coast of Goa high on the heady mix of sea, wind, beer, music and exhilaration. We were lapping up the beauty and the might of the vastness all around us. There was much merriment on the deck with everyone letting one's hair down in the unbound atmosphere. Amidst all the singing and dancing, suddenly the captain's cap flew off and fell in the ocean. All went oh! the cap! and before we knew, one of the crew members on the yacht jumped into the sea. He had no life jacket on; there were no lifeguards on the yacht and he didn't look like a trained guy too. Yet he jumped.
Was it part of his job? I don't think any job role entails that. It looked more like an act of desperation -- putting one's life at risk to survive. If your boss' cap falls, you pick it up irrespective of the given situation. Maybe I am hyping it up. Maybe it's just as simple as we stopping a vehicle on the road to pick something that fell off. Maybe for him sea is no more than land.
However, I will never forget the incident nor the look on that man's face when he was in the water and when he got back on the yacht. He looked shaken and I don't know why, but I felt that this was not something he had ever done before.
Sometimes, in fact many a time, a man's life can be worth much less than a cap.

Stocktaking

We know that a new year is not the beginning of anything new but the continuation of the old with a new awareness. Yet this consciousness about the passing of time is a necessary action - a short pause to take stock. It's vital to acknowledge and salute our biggest enemy – Time.

Twelve months, seven days, 24 hours are our ways of checking time. But the reins are always with time. No number of checks or scales can let us control time. Time is the ultimate winner and the winner takes it all...

My dear countrymen

A guy stops his bike in the middle of the road, walks to the car behind him and uses the foulest expletives at the guy behind the wheel. People look on, no one tries to stop this guy and actually, they seem to enjoy the whole scene.
On another occasion, a guy blocks the road with his auto on the pretext of some religious event. A motorist who questions this auto guy, is abused orally and physically, and as expected, no one comes to his rescue.
My fellow countrymen choose to be non-interfering and non-judgmental on selective occasions. The same people are so opinionated and judgmental when it comes to issues related to individuality and personal choices. These are the same people who decide who should wear what, who should love whom, who has the right to be happy.....

My reflection

When the reflection scares you, the war with the self begins...
Is that me?Is that you? Do you own  me or do I own you?
Do I even know you?

The murder of reason

You live in this make-believe world wherein you tell yourself that goodness, truth, and justice prevail and the world is not such a bad place after all. You tell yourself that certain bad things only happen in movies, rarely in real life. Then comes the rude awakening!
I was shocked to read about Narendra Dabholkar's murder. He, the founder of the Maharashtra Andhashraddha Nirmoolan Samiti, was shot dead. Why? Was the act perpetrated just to shake our faith in goodness? It makes me sad and angry to know that there are people who kill so easily. He was among the few people in India who crusade for the cause of logic and reasoning. What a setback to progressive thought!
In the land of babas & babus, and politicians who promote superstition and kill scientific thinking to further their own ends, there are no takers for rationalism. The voice of rationalism has been feeble in this country and now, this is an attempt to completely throttle it.

Another life lost to a good cause; how I wish we need not have to lose a life for a cause!

Cold heart

Whether it's the joy of watching a leaf dance in the breeze or the sorrow of a childhood gone waste, there is a part of the heart that neither feels the joy nor the pain. It remains stoic, aware of the power of time. After all, what joy or sorrow can  tide over time? 

First day @ work: 3 versions

I got home all clammy, queasy and shaken. I shivered thinking about the ordeal and hid myself under a blanket. I tried to remove the dreadful sounds and sights out of my mind, however the coldness gripped me and i shivered again. I tried to smother the fear in my gut with food. But, the cold dark place kept haunting me till i found solace in sleep. Then I tossed and turned in sleep tormented by the sound of multiple keyboards, oh-so-intelligent conversations, the soporific meetings....
God! the traumatic experience of  my first day at work!!




Ah! the beautiful music emanating from the keyboards,  the soothing chatter of colleagues, the warm welcome smiles, the kind words, the vibrant vibe in the air, the industrious feel,  the excitement of productiveness, the confidence of purposefulness --- to work is such a joy! What an awesome feeling to be part of a creative process throbbing with constructive ambition! My beautiful first day at work!





Half-a-day spent filling up multiple forms confirming my birth, growth and stupidities. The next half spent grinning and looking all pepped up when all you wanted was to go to the loo; making small formal, semi-formal conversations; feeling like an idiot but trying to look like Mark Zuckerberg; looking around with bambi eyes for a comforting smile or nod; looking at the watch when no one's watching; trying to look busy; and then, finally walking out of that door, breathing in fresh air, and counting the days to the weekend, after that BIG first day at work.

She was a beauty!

Every trip to Kerala is like a visit to a critically-ailing friend. It leaves me feeling sad and helpless.
I flee from the city to my hometown in search of a connect with life. But i don't seem to find it anymore. Garbage mounds, increasing number of concrete buildings, commercialization, changing cultural ethos, and other disturbing changes make me uncomfortable. I no longer get to see the flora i associated with my village visits. Barren plots & dream homes have usurped the position of trees & paddy fields. Palatial houses and grotesque commercial complexes dot the landscape; there was a time when gigantic trees and bamboo groves were ubiquitous. The poverty of the land and people's mind is embarrassing as well as infuriating.
When you witness 'a thing of beauty' gradually fading away, you are privy to the cruelty of time and disagree with Keats that it is 'a joy for ever'. Like Keats i could live in the past and revel in the beauty that existed or be realistic and rue over the ugliness I see.

Evil rules

Year 2011
A girl, gangraped by a minister's goons, commits suicide. Her friend (the witness to the crime), who tries to get justice for her, is meted out the same fate by the same guys. She is raped and dies after being in a coma state for 6 months. The perpetrators, ex-Odisha agriculture minister pradeep maharathy's men, have political backing, of course!

2013
Justice in the case is still awaited, obviously! Would things have been any different even if these crimes were committed by some not-so-powerful guys? Maharathy resigned but the nonchalance and  arrogance with which he flaunted law is scary but not surprising any more.
This whole issue has faded away from the collective memory of the people and none will lose anything except for the people who already have.
My heart goes out to Brishti and Babina who had to undergo so much pain for no fault of theirs. I wonder why people say that the good always wins over the evil...