Other things may change us, but we start and end with the family ‑ Anthony Brandt
Whether you call it one of nature’s masterpieces, the gift of god or a necessary evil, the family and the mammoth role it plays in the making of an individual and the society is irrefutable. It is a well-known fact that the family is the basic building block of a society and has for ages held a highly esteemed position in most people’s hearts and lives.
Right from the birth to the stage when an individual becomes an active, decision-making member of the society, his ideas and feelings are dominated and influenced by his family. A family brings a new entity into the world, nurtures and nourishes it. It is the haven for most in the world. A family is indeed a highly sensitive and responsible unit. In the context wherein the functions of a family cannot be undermined, one does wonder, are all families equipped to handle such a Herculean task?
Family passes on values and beliefs that are taught at an early stage. It ensures security, support and love, at times unconditional and more often, at a price. Being a part of a group ensures a security which is very comforting but also blinding and binding. This is more apparent in a traditional and orthodox society like India. Family demands unconditional obedience over love. One loves one’s family, not out of choice but because one is taught to love one’s family, again a value passed over by the family. The power the family wields over a person can many a times be unhealthy. It cripples the thinking power of an individual.
With all the good it does, the family structure also has the potential to cause harm. Bodies are nurtured but many souls are damaged forever in a family. Gender roles are learnt in the family. Girls are made to sacrifice their happiness at the altar of the family values. Her family’s shadow looms large over her at every stage of her life. She carries the responsibility of holding the family together all her life.
More than the outer projections of the effect of the family, it is the inner turmoil it creates in a person that is a great cause of concern. A person is what his family has made him to be. The confidence level in an individual is also determined by the family. Knowingly or unknowingly, the family can mar a person’s perception of himself to the extent that he feels guilty at being himself. In the case of a boy, the family instills in him the patriarchal values dominant in the society. He is made to feel superior to woman, being exposed to the gender power equations at home. Peer influence or education cannot change these deeply ingrained ‘values’.
The family prestige and name makes him opt for a career choice not his own. A life spent living for the family creates a frustration that is transmitted down generations. In the case of a girl, she learns to be docile, sub-serving and the peace maker at home. After all, she has the family honor to safeguard. Her personal and professional lives assume secondary status to her familial obligations.
Family takes precedence over the individual, traditions and values over human emotions. But how cordial can the society be if each entity in the society comes from certain distinct units where they have been brainwashed into a rigid way of thinking and behaving.
The family is an ever- changing institution. People opine that it is on the decline or dying. This is not a perfect institution. But then, what is? With all its imperfections it humanizes you, teaches you to share and adjust; be less selfish. And we all do need a family. Reality need not be taken for anti-family views. All one needs to do is look at family, the link to our past and a bridge to our future, more realistically. Bonds of love matter, not just the appearance of being a happy family.
Dodie Smith said, "The family - that dear octopus from whose tentacles we never quite escape, nor, in our inmost hearts, ever quite wish to.
Whether you call it one of nature’s masterpieces, the gift of god or a necessary evil, the family and the mammoth role it plays in the making of an individual and the society is irrefutable. It is a well-known fact that the family is the basic building block of a society and has for ages held a highly esteemed position in most people’s hearts and lives.
Right from the birth to the stage when an individual becomes an active, decision-making member of the society, his ideas and feelings are dominated and influenced by his family. A family brings a new entity into the world, nurtures and nourishes it. It is the haven for most in the world. A family is indeed a highly sensitive and responsible unit. In the context wherein the functions of a family cannot be undermined, one does wonder, are all families equipped to handle such a Herculean task?
Family passes on values and beliefs that are taught at an early stage. It ensures security, support and love, at times unconditional and more often, at a price. Being a part of a group ensures a security which is very comforting but also blinding and binding. This is more apparent in a traditional and orthodox society like India. Family demands unconditional obedience over love. One loves one’s family, not out of choice but because one is taught to love one’s family, again a value passed over by the family. The power the family wields over a person can many a times be unhealthy. It cripples the thinking power of an individual.
With all the good it does, the family structure also has the potential to cause harm. Bodies are nurtured but many souls are damaged forever in a family. Gender roles are learnt in the family. Girls are made to sacrifice their happiness at the altar of the family values. Her family’s shadow looms large over her at every stage of her life. She carries the responsibility of holding the family together all her life.
More than the outer projections of the effect of the family, it is the inner turmoil it creates in a person that is a great cause of concern. A person is what his family has made him to be. The confidence level in an individual is also determined by the family. Knowingly or unknowingly, the family can mar a person’s perception of himself to the extent that he feels guilty at being himself. In the case of a boy, the family instills in him the patriarchal values dominant in the society. He is made to feel superior to woman, being exposed to the gender power equations at home. Peer influence or education cannot change these deeply ingrained ‘values’.
The family prestige and name makes him opt for a career choice not his own. A life spent living for the family creates a frustration that is transmitted down generations. In the case of a girl, she learns to be docile, sub-serving and the peace maker at home. After all, she has the family honor to safeguard. Her personal and professional lives assume secondary status to her familial obligations.
Family takes precedence over the individual, traditions and values over human emotions. But how cordial can the society be if each entity in the society comes from certain distinct units where they have been brainwashed into a rigid way of thinking and behaving.
The family is an ever- changing institution. People opine that it is on the decline or dying. This is not a perfect institution. But then, what is? With all its imperfections it humanizes you, teaches you to share and adjust; be less selfish. And we all do need a family. Reality need not be taken for anti-family views. All one needs to do is look at family, the link to our past and a bridge to our future, more realistically. Bonds of love matter, not just the appearance of being a happy family.
Dodie Smith said, "The family - that dear octopus from whose tentacles we never quite escape, nor, in our inmost hearts, ever quite wish to.
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