An affair to remember

I stepped out of the bus and stepped into his (her) arms. He (she) unleashed all his (her) charms. The cool breeze, the soothing drizzle, the swaying trees, the falling leaves and the music playing in my ears swept me off my feet. My heart sang and danced all the way to the office.

i wished my office was further away and we could carry on with our affair for ever.

I live

Another year begins without you...

Tears can't bring you back

nor ease this pain

i live...

Wish i could hear you

feel you once..

Miss you...

No beginning, no end

The year refuses to end. It even refuses to accept that it had ever begun. It's when one is in this state of so-called transition from one period of time to the other that one actually realizes the fact that time is just a man-made concept. Your heart does not beat to the rhythm of a clock. It wanders beyond all man-made boundaries trying to understand what lies beyond those boundaries. Chaos leads to yet more chaos. Yet somewhere in all the chaos is utmost calm and serenity.

Finding me

Listless, I drag myself through the routine - home to office; office to home. I bow down but am not defeated. Some hyperactive part of the brain keeps churning out thoughts which try to weigh me down. But then, every cell in my body fights against this and lifts me high off the ground. I look at myself from up there and realize i will be alright...i will be alright

Another diwali

Another year, another diwali.

Every year along with the lamps, lights, sweets and crackers come these sweet memories which have become the only interesting part of diwali for me. It is the special people who make occasions called festivals so special. My dad loved all festivals, especially diwali. Every memory of this festival is associated with him. His child-like enthusiasm was so endearing. He didn't mind spending above his means on fireworks. I remember having the most and the best crackers amongst my friends. The sleepless nights before we went for the diwali shopping trips, the excitement in the air - all seems like yesterday!

After many years, when i could not be with him for diwali, he would call and excitedly inquire about the fireworks i had purchased. He still had the same enthusiasm for the festival, though i had lost it somewhere down the line. I used to feign some excitement for him. Today, i have lost that reason also.

Anna, corruption and some immature doubts

Anna & corruption: I hear and see these words everywhere. Just few weeks ago these words were rarely heard, but one could definitely experience the second word in all walks of life. In spite of being omnipresent it had the ability to remain invisible and most of us just refused to acknowledge it. But now, all of a sudden its status has changed; its presence is being accepted. Many are even terming it a villain and voicing against it? Where were all these people all these days? If these many people are against corruption then how come it seeps into every thread of our existence? Is this movement really about corruption? Do the people want a change or are they just giving vent to their frustration about everything?

So, Jan lokpal bill will make politicians and bureaucrats accountable. Well & good! The joint committee to draft the Jan lokpal bill will have 50% government participation and 50% public participation. That also, well & good! However, what i don't understand is that why do we assume that it is only the powerful ones like the ministers or the bureaucrats that are corrupt. Fifty percent public participation does not guarantee anything. The public in India is no different from its representatives. We are an unabashedly corrupt lot. At every walk of our life we sell our conscience for pennies. A bill to make the government accountable maybe a step forward but what about the attitude of the people? What kind of bill can change that?

Everyday while commuting i come across bus conductors who take lesser charge from the commuters and pocket the money by not issuing tickets. Here, not only is the conductor corrupt but also the commuter who does not mind being corrupt for a sum as meager as Rs 1 or 2. In a city where hundreds and thousands of autos ply, very rarely, you find an auto with a meter that is not tampered. These are just few examples. Corruption is rampant at every place, right from your house to your place of worship. Really, can't tell if it percolates downwards or seeps upwards through osmosis but it does reach everywhere.

Corruption is in our blood. How do we take it out of our system? Correcting a wrong is always right...but the question is, who corrects whom when all are equally wrong?

strange love

I never expected the quest for love to be such a lonely journey. In my search i have left most behind. Familiar faces have become faint and all seem strangers. Lover is a stranger...love is strange. I look at the mirror and a stranger stares back at me...

Obssssessed

i can't let go yet. i still can't understand how a life can end. What about the identity? The childhood, the youth, the life. Death baffles ...i know, it always will. When i can accept many mysteries of life then why does this bother me so much? i just can't get over the futility of everything...it is not a pessimistic outlook... but how else do i describe this? Death is a reality, maybe the only one. Yet i won't accept it.....i can't accept it...

Near or far

Can i measure the distance between him and me? Should the distance be measured in space or time? One may live with a person under the same roof but the distance between the two might be the greatest. When the bodies are together one could be the furthest away from the other.

It works the other way round also. When i close my eyes i feel his breath on my face but isn't he in another state? Distance and time are no barriers. In fact, they are the carriers. Again, how do i measure the distance between him and me?

D..D..D..D..D..D..D..Dilli

Five days is too short a time to know a city but the place does demand lot more than just a mention in my blog. I close my eyes and think about my five days in dilli. Instantly, some images flash in my mind - the metro rail, good looking people, lecherous men, vastness of the place, the food at kaakke da hotel and the scorching heat. Everything in dilli seems large - large hearted & large-bellied punjabis. Ah yes! another thing that struck me was that there were sardars everywhere ( which is but natural but being from bangalore, one does not get to see these many sardars).
The excitement of travelling to a place on an official trip had not been much as it had meant leaving my dear one behind. But the trip turned out to be loads of fun. Thanks to the company my company had provided me. I also met some interesting people there. The coarse attitude of delhiites was fascinating. 'Gaalis' and aggression were in free flow. Sweet words and politeness had no place here. The 'laaton ke bhoot baaton se nahi maante' funda was definitely coined by some poor hassled person living in dilli.
If all were unanimous about one thing, that was that the girls in delhi were pretty. One guy went on to add "no wonder the crime rates are so high in delhi". But the baffling aspect was that the men in delhi were mostly lechers. They stared at you, stared at you and then stared at you some more till you felt something was terribly wrong or right with you. With so much beauty around, can we blame the beasts?
There was no crunch for space. Wide roads, huge houses, breathtaking malls - all was large scale. The metro service was damn impressive. We just loved hopping in and out of metro trains.
We paid a visit to the parantha gali in chandni chowk. The whole experience was good, though i can't say the same about the paranthas. The food at kaakke da hotel was awesome. The highlight was having a delicacy called gurda kapoore, which, by the way, i got to know later were goat's kidneys and testicles. Poor goats! Poor me! Considering the attitude of the men in delhi it would have been more appropriate to have a dish made out of their kapoores instead.
I got back from the hot, thriving, bustling capital city of our country to the cold, laidback, chaotic IT capital of india with a mixed feeling of sadness and joy. I felt sad that i was losing my free space, metro and the thrill of being a tourist. I was happy to get back to friends and family, familiar attitudes and terrains. As i got down at bangalore station and got the first blast of the cool air I was happy i was back but somewhere i had left a bit of my dil in dilli.