Obssssessed

i can't let go yet. i still can't understand how a life can end. What about the identity? The childhood, the youth, the life. Death baffles ...i know, it always will. When i can accept many mysteries of life then why does this bother me so much? i just can't get over the futility of everything...it is not a pessimistic outlook... but how else do i describe this? Death is a reality, maybe the only one. Yet i won't accept it.....i can't accept it...