Getting smaller

 

No eyes. No ears. No mouth.

No sight. No hearing. No voice.

I am all belly, I am all hunger

What am I?

The noisy world

I wake up to
the noises outside and inside

...I go back to sleep

Mourning

In a pretty yellow dress

I'm blooming in the glorious sun

Bright and fragrant are season's songs

with wondrous sights in the horizon

A sweep, a struggle

And the darkness crawls over 

First a nibble, then a mouthful

i am consumed, whole 

In a shroud, covered in the smell of darkness

The waves of loss hit me, toss me

In the deep i drown

Cleansed, I am thrown ashore

Fragile, resilient

I mourn again and again 

I live again and again

Wide eyed at night

Those nights
Those starry nights

Those dark nights

Those moonlit nights
Those wondrous nights
Those thousand nights

Spent gazing at hope, belief, unknown treasures

A movement, a formation, a shooting star
a glimmer in the dark
Was that a UFO?

Or a God
or the shine in my awestruck eyes

Skyfull promises never let you down

If not a flying saucer or 

 a meteor

At least a welcome shower

The songbird

Every morning around 4
I hear loud and clear
The sweet number
As I snuggle under my cover

Who is she that sings life
After a dark and dead night
I feel connected to this melody
In the socially distanced world

Its best to leave joys unquestioned
Pursuits cannot have great returns
I learn the vocalist is a he, pouring his heart out
Proactively yours, to strike a chord

The delight is lost with the identity
Sweet strain turns a war cry
Grace gives way to arrogance
I feel the song no more

What are we missing?

As we sit inside our minds, gape through the window, and imagine our world a few months ago - What do we see? What do we miss? - The hunger games? The hunt? The frenzied dance? The alien crowd? The indifference?
Deep inside, is there a numbness, a feeling of disconnect?
What are we doing?
Where do we go from here?
Is the story starting? ending? or are there more twists in the story?
Were humans such great social animals? Is being social about some interdependencies, spurts of kindred feeling and more about inhumanity, cruelty, hatred, indifference, apathy, conspiracies, struggles, power games, differences, loneliness, depression...?
Is the social distancing killing us? Or do we need to be social just to give vent to our baser instincts

#I want to go to office to pull my colleagues down and badmouth every achiever
#I want to be back in the seat of power to exploit the weak
#I want to make billions to ignore the needy
#I want to look at the miserable to feel happy
#I want to be around something to justify my existence
#I want to get back into the human arena to fight


Why do we really need our kind?

A hen named Teju

Once upon a time there lived a hen named Teju.
As the name suggests, she was bright.

Teju made quite an impression on us with her matronly figure, her one-eyed stature, and heroic vulnerability. She had cautiously walked into our house and lives in that challenged state: Never got to know how she lost sight in one eye. 

She quickly endeared herself to us through her affectionate and smart ways. We fed her and she fed us in return. She laid an egg almost every day.
Her handicap made her vulnerable to all kinds of threats - aggressive roosters and hens targeted her; dogs and cats in the area knew she was easy prey; children loved to chase her. But smart Teju managed to keep herself safe. She even incubated some eggs once and became a hyper and overprotective mom of 7 chicks. Unfortunately, she lost all her chicks to the predators. But her zealous effort was an incredible and heartrending sight.

Teju responded to her name. She would come running from far on being called. She trusted us.

Then one day, it happened...one careless second... and our dog grabbed her. We separated the two. Teju was not wounded.

But Teju died...It was the worst moment till...

Teju was served as dinner that night...

Corona Corona

And the Goliath fell.
The vulnerability behind the arrogance was laid bare to be ravaged.
But we are not just another easily pregnable living organism. Are we?
We rule the world; we are the mighty
Corona can break us but not change us
Today we lie low

Tomorrow, we rise again
We will continue the reign of toxicity
We will attain more power with newer weapons of mass destruction
We will build taller buildings, industrialize nature
We will rule with divided boundaries, hearts and minds

We will be back meaner, vainer, stupider

To the one that gave up

Though a cord had us bound
Liberating was the bond

Blood, cells, heart as one

The freaky system was almost divine

We put up a wall
A shield against all

Together, we stretched

Together, we grew

You, I, our life
We were going strong

The silent promise was broken
I was unsuspecting of your intent

You gave up, you gave in

Without a sign, you stopped breathing

Food for thought

I walked into a restaurant craving for a decent North Indian meal.
The scene was not very welcoming. There was an assembly of loud people. My entry went unnoticed.
However, I was focused on the roti and sabzi. So I took a seat and gave it a wait. Gradually, the cause of the commotion became clear. The 4 guys speaking in Kannada were officials from BBMP  and maybe some other State department. And the others, speaking in Hindi, English and spurts of learnt Kannada, were representing the restaurant.
Post inspection of the restaurant, the green brigade had found carry bags (used for food delivery) made of a banned substance. They were demanding a fine of Rs 25K. The proprietor (a multi-lingual woman in her early 30s) of the restaurant seemed least flustered and assertively refused to pay up. The officials kept reiterating the need to cough up 25K as fine and the restaurant lady kept refusing. She claimed that she had purchased those bags as the vendor had labeled them as cloth bags.

In a brusque manner, she brushed aside their threats of non-renewal of licence etc. Time and again, she made it very clear to them that there was no way they could make her pay 25,000.

Then, she changed her tone a bit, and offered a deal. She was now willing to pay an amount, but definitely not 25k. After few more minutes of no-nos and head-shakes, the officials agreed to a sum of 10k. And the restaurant lady brought it further down to 7k. 

She also threw in free lunch as offer. The 4 officials graciously declined the food, and gulped down the 7k.
Before leaving, they suddenly realized that the youngest of the officials (in his early 20s) needed to have his lunch on time and left him behind at the restaurant. Instead of a share from the heist, they decided to placate the novice with a plate of biriyani.

I got my long-awaited roti sabzi and he his ill-gotten biriyani!

Man vs Elephant

The man. The tusker. An epic confrontation.
The outcome - as nature ordains.

The scene - early morning, a small house in Sirikima village in Chattisgarh, 61-year-old farmer Sonsai and his family (daughter kausalya and 2 year old grandson) are asleep, a wild tusker heads towards their house, smashes the door, roof and walls cave in, Sonsai wakes up terrified, sees the tusker turn towards where Sonsai's daughter and grandson are sleeping, who are now awake and watching horrified as the tusker charges towards them...

What happens next is not ordinary...
Sonsai, in a flash, takes a burning torch and jumps between the elephant and his family and draws the attention of the tusker towards him by screaming and waving the torch. The tusker stomps on him and crushes him to death. The tusker then turns and leaves, the mother and child are spared.

What happens next is quite ordinary
The government equates Sonsai's bravery and sacrifice to Rs 25,000...

In the wild and elsewhere, might is right and the weak always lose!

A state of lawless mind

I wonder what is scarier- A land with a few men who think rape is OK? or a land with men and women who think it is OK to take law ( their personal beliefs on justice) into their hands?
The rape and murder of a woman in Hyderabad was tragic but the incidents that followed were scary.

When groups of people assume it's right to mete out justice their way, we are treading onto very dangerous grounds. 

Tomorrow, I could be falsely implicated in a very heinous crime and before I could even prove my innocence, I could be lynched to death by a section of self righteous people. 

Some powerful bodies of people could manipulate people's thoughts and emotions to implicate and kill innocent people while the real perpetrators go free.
Police could use this strategy to close many files and be the heroes of a public that seeks fake hopes and assurances...
The disillusionment in the justice system is absolute, and the anger and fear need closure. In this state, anything can masquerade as good and just and impress us... and in the meantime, mob mentality will spread unabated...

The big secrets in the little kingdom

Childhood was an intriguing world filled with secrets.

In the realm of Batman, Superman, katti-batti and zillions of curiosities were buried many secrets. And there were many mother promises, mother dead promises and god promises guarding those secrets.

Secrets were crucial. They could  make or break friendships. Every day was about another secret added to your repository or the treasure chest of secrets being made lighter. Sharing secrets was a sure-shot way of launching a new friendship or taking a friendship to the 'best friends' zone.  

The fluttering of the heart while sharing a secret or the evil pleasure and guilt when breaking a promise to divulge a friend's secret to another, the confrontations, the breakups, the makeups, the heartbreak, the suspense, the anxiety  - ah! all the ingredients to a perfect thriller!

After 11 daughters, Guddi finally has a son

At 42, after 11 daughters, Guddi from Rajasthan's Churu district, has a son...
She is happy, her husband is happy.
Guddi's social status has changed - She is the mother of a male child
No more taunts, no more stigmatization
Her husband now has a son to continue his lineage...
Guddi finally made it!

The obsession with the male of the human species continues...

Live and die, the animal style

Like many, I am spellbound by the series Planet Earth. Every aspect about it seems to have come together to create perfection: the narration by David Attenborough, the marvelous camera work, the intent behind the effort, and of course, the bountiful offerings of nature. While taking in all this beauty and intrigue, I could not help feel that all the entities in the universe seem brainwashed.

All species' lives are coded and their performances seem orchestrated. Most species live and die trying to survive and reproduce, and then ensure the survival and flourishing of their offsprings. In all of this, the thought process and the actions are completely driven by the inbuilt software. Live, reproduce, protect, safeguard your species, nothing else matters. Octopus dies of starvation protecting its eggs; Glass frog risks its life to protect its eggs. Most species risk their lives protecting their young ones. Human beings are no different from the octopus, squid, salmon or mayfly that die after giving birth. We are led by the same primal mission and nothing is in our control.

Of course, isn't propagation of the species the pivotal motive of any species? But is this mission self designed? Aren't we all living like the salmons who swim upstream to lay eggs or the penguins who go to any extremes to protect their eggs and chicks. Nobody seems to be in control of what they are doing, all are led, all follow.

Is perpetuating the genes the only motive for life and living? Are we brainwashed into this journey of self obliteration by false sense of bigger purpose in a giggling baby or manipulated emotional rush?
We are after all not that much of a thinking animal. We are mostly like all other animals, driven by basic programming. Survive to reproduce, have babies and then die nurturing the babies

Seems like life is not about living, it is about dying. Do we cheat death through children? or do we embrace death through children?

I can't dance

It breaks my heart...I can't dance...
That does not stop me though; my body leads, I follow
When I dance, I get interesting responses
Some look at me with pity, some look amused, some are disgusted...some just look away
And then, there is my dance instructor, who has this expression of sheer disbelief and also,at times, sadness...
The other day, in the class, he came over to me - I had been doing my best to avoid eye contact - and said- this step is very simple, all you have to do is move heel first, then toes, then heel, then toes -- then he went 1,2, 3,4, sets of  2 - 5,6, 7,8.
I looked at him, ironed out my crumpled confidence, and smiled. I hoped this to be that magic moment the hidden dancer in me stepped out in a chasse.
Well, the miracle had to wait...I froze...it was like I had been asked to explain the theory of relativity. I smiled, I made a weird face, then smiled... my attempts at saving my pride made me look more pathetic
Then, with a look of determination, he asked me to follow him and do the simple steps...
I simply didn't...I did my own steps
Now, firmly, he told me I needed to focus
After a few sessions like this, I told my exasperated, frustrated instructor, "please let me be...in my heart I am dancing fabulously...I can see it and feel it. To the world, it may seem like I am going to the left when all go to the right. Believe me, it's about perception.
He gave up...
And I live and dance with the hope that dance will happen to me one day...one Tourner day...
Like I know supernatural power will happen to me one day...one superfine day...

What is life

the unbridled greed
the perennial hunger
the untamed consumerism
the unreasonable anger
the frantic search for company
the relentless pursuit of happiness
the unfillled void
the confirmed lonely end to life

Corporate Communication

One of the joys of the workplace is in finding humor in the jargon-filled cacophony around you. The mirthful irony is when this jargon-infused lit is used to impress on you the need for effective communication!

A day in the office

I reach out to a colleague and give a heads up that I would need to pick his brain. He pings he is swamped and has no bandwidth. As the next step, we promise to put our heads together and deep dive into the 'no brainer' challenge with 5 other valuable resources.
We calendarize the huddle. At the scheduled time, at 'NYC' in Bangalore, we share some 'hear me outs' and 'my 2 cents' and smug glances. One exceptional performer (MBA Grad) speaks real long without saying anything, congratulates himself on pushing the envelope and hands over the heavy lifting to an unsuspecting 'what on earth am I doing here' person. Finally, post the thrash out filled with thinking outside the box moments, some are on the same page, we agree on a ballpark figure and of course, there are ample key learnings. We part with agreements on who has to be kept in the loop and what has to be taken offline. I promise to circle back with my colleague ASAP. I document the minutes of the meeting marking the decision maker.

On receipt of the mail, the know-all cracks the whip, declares this is no rocket science, and we park the case...

The parallel universe

Loki, Thanos, Gamora, Nebula...occupy more of our mind-space than Modi, Yadav, Didi or any Gandhi. If only our political parties could field Ironman, Hulk, Thor and the other potent beings from the marvel cinematic universe as candidates: that would make some coup and the wackiest infinity war!

The obsession with these fictitious characters is quite palpable. It grips you at the lunch table, the office cubicle; the washroom is also not spared. The connect the real people feel for these reel non-people is amazing.They invest in them and live beyond their limitations through them.

Though I tried to not succumb to the intimidation of the pervasive MCU, I gave in to peer pressure ( reminiscent of my experience with GoT). I watched a few MCU movies, read a lot about them and could bring myself to appreciate certain aspects of it.

I am no MCU fan!

Why the prefix 'Dalit'?

The header read 'NLSIU Dalit student hangs himself in hostel room'. The instant thought was "oh no, not another victim of caste-related harassment". But the story connected to caste nowhere. This is the media in India - more communal, racial and opportunist than any religious or political institution.
The 22-year-old student of NLSIU had committed suicide but the cause was yet not known.
The loss of a young life was tragic. Why was the caste or religion of the boy important?