A state of lawless mind

I wonder what is scarier- A land with a few men who think rape is OK? or a land with men and women who think it is OK to take law ( their personal beliefs on justice) into their hands?
The rape and murder of a woman in Hyderabad was tragic but the incidents that followed were scary.

When groups of people assume it's right to mete out justice their way, we are treading onto very dangerous grounds. 

Tomorrow, I could be falsely implicated in a very heinous crime and before I could even prove my innocence, I could be lynched to death by a section of self righteous people. 

Some powerful bodies of people could manipulate people's thoughts and emotions to implicate and kill innocent people while the real perpetrators go free.
Police could use this strategy to close many files and be the heroes of a public that seeks fake hopes and assurances...
The disillusionment in the justice system is absolute, and the anger and fear need closure. In this state, anything can masquerade as good and just and impress us... and in the meantime, mob mentality will spread unabated...

The big secrets in the little kingdom

Childhood was an intriguing world filled with secrets.

In the realm of Batman, Superman, katti-batti and zillions of curiosities were buried many secrets. And there were many mother promises, mother dead promises and god promises guarding those secrets.

Secrets were crucial. They could  make or break friendships. Every day was about another secret added to your repository or the treasure chest of secrets being made lighter. Sharing secrets was a sure-shot way of launching a new friendship or taking a friendship to the 'best friends' zone.  

The fluttering of the heart while sharing a secret or the evil pleasure and guilt when breaking a promise to divulge a friend's secret to another, the confrontations, the breakups, the makeups, the heartbreak, the suspense, the anxiety  - ah! all the ingredients to a perfect thriller!

After 11 daughters, Guddi finally has a son

At 42, after 11 daughters, Guddi from Rajasthan's Churu district, has a son...
She is happy, her husband is happy.
Guddi's social status has changed - She is the mother of a male child
No more taunts, no more stigmatization
Her husband now has a son to continue his lineage...
Guddi finally made it!

The obsession with the male of the human species continues...

Live and die, the animal style

Like many, I am spellbound by the series Planet Earth. Every aspect about it seems to have come together to create perfection: the narration by David Attenborough, the marvelous camera work, the intent behind the effort, and of course, the bountiful offerings of nature. While taking in all this beauty and intrigue, I could not help feel that all the entities in the universe seem brainwashed.

All species' lives are coded and their performances seem orchestrated. Most species live and die trying to survive and reproduce, and then ensure the survival and flourishing of their offsprings. In all of this, the thought process and the actions are completely driven by the inbuilt software. Live, reproduce, protect, safeguard your species, nothing else matters. Octopus dies of starvation protecting its eggs; Glass frog risks its life to protect its eggs. Most species risk their lives protecting their young ones. Human beings are no different from the octopus, squid, salmon or mayfly that die after giving birth. We are led by the same primal mission and nothing is in our control.

Of course, isn't propagation of the species the pivotal motive of any species? But is this mission self designed? Aren't we all living like the salmons who swim upstream to lay eggs or the penguins who go to any extremes to protect their eggs and chicks. Nobody seems to be in control of what they are doing, all are led, all follow.

Is perpetuating the genes the only motive for life and living? Are we brainwashed into this journey of self obliteration by false sense of bigger purpose in a giggling baby or manipulated emotional rush?
We are after all not that much of a thinking animal. We are mostly like all other animals, driven by basic programming. Survive to reproduce, have babies and then die nurturing the babies

Seems like life is not about living, it is about dying. Do we cheat death through children? or do we embrace death through children?

I can't dance

It breaks my heart...I can't dance...
That does not stop me though; my body leads, I follow
When I dance, I get interesting responses
Some look at me with pity, some look amused, some are disgusted...some just look away
And then, there is my dance instructor, who has this expression of sheer disbelief and also,at times, sadness...
The other day, in the class, he came over to me - I had been doing my best to avoid eye contact - and said- this step is very simple, all you have to do is move heel first, then toes, then heel, then toes -- then he went 1,2, 3,4, sets of  2 - 5,6, 7,8.
I looked at him, ironed out my crumpled confidence, and smiled. I hoped this to be that magic moment the hidden dancer in me stepped out in a chasse.
Well, the miracle had to wait...I froze...it was like I had been asked to explain the theory of relativity. I smiled, I made a weird face, then smiled... my attempts at saving my pride made me look more pathetic
Then, with a look of determination, he asked me to follow him and do the simple steps...
I simply didn't...I did my own steps
Now, firmly, he told me I needed to focus
After a few sessions like this, I told my exasperated, frustrated instructor, "please let me be...in my heart I am dancing fabulously...I can see it and feel it. To the world, it may seem like I am going to the left when all go to the right. Believe me, it's about perception.
He gave up...
And I live and dance with the hope that dance will happen to me one day...one Tourner day...
Like I know supernatural power will happen to me one day...one superfine day...

What is life

the unbridled greed
the perennial hunger
the untamed consumerism
the unreasonable anger
the frantic search for company
the relentless pursuit of happiness
the unfillled void
the confirmed lonely end to life

Corporate Communication

One of the joys of the workplace is in finding humor in the jargon-filled cacophony around you. The mirthful irony is when this jargon-infused lit is used to impress on you the need for effective communication!

A day in the office

I reach out to a colleague and give a heads up that I would need to pick his brain. He pings he is swamped and has no bandwidth. As the next step, we promise to put our heads together and deep dive into the 'no brainer' challenge with 5 other valuable resources.
We calendarize the huddle. At the scheduled time, at 'NYC' in Bangalore, we share some 'hear me outs' and 'my 2 cents' and smug glances. One exceptional performer (MBA Grad) speaks real long without saying anything, congratulates himself on pushing the envelope and hands over the heavy lifting to an unsuspecting 'what on earth am I doing here' person. Finally, post the thrash out filled with thinking outside the box moments, some are on the same page, we agree on a ballpark figure and of course, there are ample key learnings. We part with agreements on who has to be kept in the loop and what has to be taken offline. I promise to circle back with my colleague ASAP. I document the minutes of the meeting marking the decision maker.

On receipt of the mail, the know-all cracks the whip, declares this is no rocket science, and we park the case...

The parallel universe

Loki, Thanos, Gamora, Nebula...occupy more of our mind-space than Modi, Yadav, Didi or any Gandhi. If only our political parties could field Ironman, Hulk, Thor and the other potent beings from the marvel cinematic universe as candidates: that would make some coup and the wackiest infinity war!

The obsession with these fictitious characters is quite palpable. It grips you at the lunch table, the office cubicle; the washroom is also not spared. The connect the real people feel for these reel non-people is amazing.They invest in them and live beyond their limitations through them.

Though I tried to not succumb to the intimidation of the pervasive MCU, I gave in to peer pressure ( reminiscent of my experience with GoT). I watched a few MCU movies, read a lot about them and could bring myself to appreciate certain aspects of it.

I am no MCU fan!

Why the prefix 'Dalit'?

The header read 'NLSIU Dalit student hangs himself in hostel room'. The instant thought was "oh no, not another victim of caste-related harassment". But the story connected to caste nowhere. This is the media in India - more communal, racial and opportunist than any religious or political institution.
The 22-year-old student of NLSIU had committed suicide but the cause was yet not known.
The loss of a young life was tragic. Why was the caste or religion of the boy important?

The mob terror

A 24-year-old truck driver was beaten to death by a mob after his vehicle ran over a six-year-old boy on the outskirts of Bengaluru a few days ago. 

It turns out that the driver, Radhe Shyam, actually paid the price for a car driver's folly who had parked his car on the roadside and had carelessly opened the car door, hitting the scooter on which the boy was pillion-riding. The impact had thrown the child under the truck's wheels. 

Beware the power of an assembly of fools! Beware the crazed animal called man!

I fear sleep

I fear sleep
I reject the state of non-existence
I dread loss of control
I fret over lost time
I worry at the futile activity
I agonize over the missed experiences
I lose sleep over sleep
I fight, I fight
I give in

The journey

Life is a journey
from beautiful to ugly
from innocence to guilt
from playfulness to gravity
from fearless to fear
from sensitivity to insensitivity
from allure to boredom
from love to hatred
from trust to doubt
from questioning to acceptance
from togetherness to loneliness
from helplessness to helplessness
from the dark to the dark

Kochi Biennale 2019

I went, I saw, I bowed
Defeated, I withdrew
Exhibits of sensitivity & creativity
Left me unstirred
Bewildered, I looked around
the trees, the leaves, the sea
and a splash of human colors
What a beautiful biennale!!

Kumbh Mela

Like the migration of the wildebeests in Masai Mara,,,so primal...so raw...

Pulwama attack

It was shocking... 40 lives lost at one instant...the outcome of an act of absolute cruelty and insanity

Before I could understand the what, the why, the how...the madness started...
and there was no room for any rational or logical discussion...
you say 'no war please', you are an anti-national
you say let not anger blur logic, you are no soldier lover
you say let's think, you are a pseudo
you say don't be manipulated, you are a pakistan lover

'finger on your lips' is trending!

The tailor bird and the snake

I saw the little lassie dart in and out, frantic, hyperactive, fussy
She seemed oblivious to my threatening presence, engrossed in carrying little blades of grass and other building materials in...

Her home in my kitchen

And a fine day, the construction was over. She had managed to put together a cosy home covering a few centimeters in my 2300 sq. ft.home.

The cute nest (not a masterpiece, as you can see) hung from a clothesline, about 7 feet from the ground.
I tried to keep out of her way but could not completely avoid the kitchen work area. In fact, I had to go there too many times.

Every time our paths crossed, she got agitated, and flew out through the iron grill. She then kept an eye on me from outside. She did not trust me one bit. I realized the lady was a mother. She had egg/eggs to guard.

I was consumed by my own nesting issues and the bird and her nest slipped down my interest list.
One day, while I was busy doing one of the many senseless tasks that humans do, I noticed the bird getting restless. I could sense her fear...Was she that scared of me? Was she worried that she could not fly out since it was getting dark?
We were quite used to each other by then: each respected the other species and its ways. What had changed that now?

I looked around, and a chill ran through me...a viper was gingerly making its way through the iron grill into the kitchen...For a few seconds I stood paralyzed. Then, I flew into action, which basically means, I started shouting and jumping...I found a broom and started hitting it on the platform near the grill to deter the snake from entering.
The snake ignored me, it kept inching forward. I found a cleaver (kerala style) and started pounding it on the platform. Now the snake flinched and reluctantly took notice. I kept pounding and the snake turned around in real slow motion and changed its course. I kept pounding till it slithered down the grinding stone outside and got into the bushes.

I heaved a sigh of relief and looked at the lady...was there a silent acknowledgement? I don't know...
We are different...our ways are different...only the instinct to hold on to life is common...

Disconnected

When nothing seems to hold your interest beyond a few minutes, pages, or reels...
When nothing surprises you any more...
When predictability of everything scares you...
When all attempts seem futile...
When rewards seem worthless...
When humans look alien...
When pursuits seem vain...

Are these signs that you have been around too long?
Are these indicators that you are not making great choices?
Are these pointers that you are headed wrong?

Surviving cancer

An article in The Times of India  - Smile & fight: How these Indian celebs inspire to survive cancer - left me wondering - how do I get inspired by a handful of people who have access to the best available treatment and facilities. True that even people with access to the best have lost the battle against cancer, still can a common man look up to these people as inspirations for grit and strength? Would they have survived only with those, and no other privileges?
It's heart-warming that they survived but heart-wrenching to think of those who didn't. 

The enigmatic friends

My mom spent hours looking at and listening to birds...the occasional peacocks, the omnipresent crows, the greater coucals, wagtails, woodpeckers, cuckoos, treepies, parrots, bushchats, black hooded orioles, mynas, babblers, hummingbirds, sunbirds...

She could recognize the birds from their calls and claimed to know their moods. These free spirits gave her comfort and she felt great joy in their beauty.

My mom had formulated her own behavioral theories about them. She said that the greater coucals and the babblers had a pact...the babblers followed the coucals around as they hunted for food and feasted on the leftovers; at times, even demanding a share. And in return, the babblers acted as their security system, raising an alarm at any threat as the coucals are weak fliers.

According to mom, crows saved excess food by hiding them under dry leaves or other places but could never find these due to their poor memory.

...memories carry me further to a past when I enjoyed similar pleasures...I used to enjoy watching the kingfisher hunt, wrestle with, and kill its prey from our house that was right next to the paddy fields. It took 2 or 3 quick knocks on the branch of a tree to kill and de-shell a crab and then, the hurried and awkward gulping.

The hummingbirds, darting from flower to flower continuously flapping their wings, and the woodpeckers, incessantly knocking away on tree trunks, mocked my glorious purposelessness...

Ah...where are all the winged charmers, where is mom, where am I?

Intolerance goes viral

• Cow-dung attack on Malayalam director Priyanandan TR for an FB comment on Sabarimala...
• Attacks on women who entered or attempted to enter Sabarimala...
• 28-year-old Vishnu Dev Radhakrishnan sentenced to 10 years (+28.5 lakh as penalty) in a jail in Saudi for making a religious comment on Twitter...

We seem to be transitioning towards a barbaric age wherein submission and adherence are the only guarantors of survival. Disagreement can be beaten and pulped into agreement or the source of dissent can be eliminated. This modus operandi is definitely not new, but it's the easy and ubiquitous access of this power  to everyone that is new.

Earlier a few powerful people or institutions could wield this power to subjugate people. Today, every person is empowered...thanks to the digital evolution of man. Any person can start a movement of hatred or violence. Each person is a dictator today!

Keeping it simple!

When a friend said 2019 would be the year of abundance for him, I, without much thought, proclaimed it to be a year of frugality for me.
The year started with a (sham) vow to go frugal! I use the word 'frugal' for the effect, what I really mean is to go minimalist.

Frugal or minimalist...easier said than done...it's been a month (almost) and I am staring at the number of totally unessential stuff bought on amazon. Every day, more things enter my space and i feel violated. I feel weighed down by all the things that I call mine. This is not imposed but self-induced anxiety.

So many pairs of jeans, so many tops, footwear...do these really add to the person I am or I aspire to be? Those umpteen number of gadgets, accessories...what do they bring to my life?

To declutter and to make space for the things that bring real value and joy is no easy task... letting go is never simple...
I will take one step at a time...but I will get there...

The real power

Lineman Randall Champion is struck by 4160 volts of electricity at the top of a utility pole and his heart instantly stops. He falls and dangles upside down by his safety harness. J D Thompson, another lineman, climbs the pole, cradles Champion and breathes air into his lungs. He does this till he breathes life back into Champion. 

Champion breathes. Champion survives

  

This amazing story, captured by Rocco Morabito, won the 1968 Pulitzer

New Year, the yearly embarrassment

The first day of the year compounds the embarrassment of ordinary existence.

Perched on the threshold of every new year, I dread to look ahead or back. It's a pointless effort as the scenes on both sides are identical.

Every new year, I drown deeper in inertia, and time, mockingly, whizzes past me. The changing dates and the calendar tell a story of now and here, and I stay stuck to the then and there.

Every new year is an account of gluttony, mediocrity, vanity and frivolity. 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018 or 2019…the ‘new’ factor is not in my reach...

Section 144

Dogs looked a little surprised. It didn't deter them from their necessary mafia activities. Mosquitoes seemed to flourish in the quiet, the pitch of their orchestra reaching greater heights. Birds, who have anyways given up on assemblies in the city, went about their business as usual. Trees stood still and solitary. Clouds gathered and spread a dark and sinister shadow.
Imposition of section 144 was declared a partial success!

Loneliness

The death certificate states the date of death as June 26, 2018.
The death certificate states the cause of death as cardiac arrest.
The death certificate states the place of death as hospital.
These official docs get it all wrong!

The artist

I stare at the ugly picture drawn by me