Floating down memories

I float like a dry leaf downwards through my memories 
There...my dad waits for me in his large army raincoat. I stretch my hand for those coins that would get me my favorite chikki. 
...He is on his armchair on a lazy Sunday smoking endlessly. 
...I feign sleep so that Dad carries me to bed. 
...Angry dad breaks bro's volleyball, TT rackets, cricket bat and wickets
...Dad in uniform comes home with litchis
...Dad and mom argue 
...Dad beats bro
...Dad takes out even the last paisa to buy me the purple dress i want
...Dad is playing cards with his friends...he is so loud and happy
...Dad is ice cold in the ambulance 

...My brother is crying over his lost stamp collection( torn to shreds by a very angry dad)
...Bro is teaching me to catch a cork ball
...Bro & I are playing marbles, french cricket, carrom and cards 
...Bro is winning prizes at school
...Bro looks so innocent with a tikka on his forhead
...Bro & I share whispered secrets in the dark inside mosquito-nets
...Bro and I  play in the water tank in our bathroom
...Bro tells me fascinating stories about science, nature and everything he holds dear 
...Bro looks sad and helpless
...Bro gets me chandni dress
...Bro can't breathe...
...Bro is hurt...bro is angry...
...Lost childhood ...lost togetherness...

I see huge Ashoka trees in Barrackpore and the gomanga mango tree in our ancestral home...
I see my mom...why is she so angry ...I taste her mysore pak, ice cream and fish curry... 
...Those scooter rides, and little and big fights...
I see my achchachan and ammamma waiting for my dad, mom, bro and my arrival on a dew-soaked dark early morning. My achchachan's stories and ammamma's hugs...
And all our dogs and cats. I can see Chigo's tail bobbing out of the paddy field. I  run and play with him and then feel the stillness in his lifeless body. 
Lucy, rosy and pussy -- our cats in chennai
Dad and mom talking about us...why are they so unhappy with us...
I float down and rest buried under earth