Anna, corruption and some immature doubts

Anna & corruption: I hear and see these words everywhere. Just few weeks ago these words were rarely heard, but one could definitely experience the second word in all walks of life. In spite of being omnipresent it had the ability to remain invisible and most of us just refused to acknowledge it. But now, all of a sudden its status has changed; its presence is being accepted. Many are even terming it a villain and voicing against it? Where were all these people all these days? If these many people are against corruption then how come it seeps into every thread of our existence? Is this movement really about corruption? Do the people want a change or are they just giving vent to their frustration about everything?

So, Jan lokpal bill will make politicians and bureaucrats accountable. Well & good! The joint committee to draft the Jan lokpal bill will have 50% government participation and 50% public participation. That also, well & good! However, what i don't understand is that why do we assume that it is only the powerful ones like the ministers or the bureaucrats that are corrupt. Fifty percent public participation does not guarantee anything. The public in India is no different from its representatives. We are an unabashedly corrupt lot. At every walk of our life we sell our conscience for pennies. A bill to make the government accountable maybe a step forward but what about the attitude of the people? What kind of bill can change that?

Everyday while commuting i come across bus conductors who take lesser charge from the commuters and pocket the money by not issuing tickets. Here, not only is the conductor corrupt but also the commuter who does not mind being corrupt for a sum as meager as Rs 1 or 2. In a city where hundreds and thousands of autos ply, very rarely, you find an auto with a meter that is not tampered. These are just few examples. Corruption is rampant at every place, right from your house to your place of worship. Really, can't tell if it percolates downwards or seeps upwards through osmosis but it does reach everywhere.

Corruption is in our blood. How do we take it out of our system? Correcting a wrong is always right...but the question is, who corrects whom when all are equally wrong?

strange love

I never expected the quest for love to be such a lonely journey. In my search i have left most behind. Familiar faces have become faint and all seem strangers. Lover is a stranger...love is strange. I look at the mirror and a stranger stares back at me...

Obssssessed

i can't let go yet. i still can't understand how a life can end. What about the identity? The childhood, the youth, the life. Death baffles ...i know, it always will. When i can accept many mysteries of life then why does this bother me so much? i just can't get over the futility of everything...it is not a pessimistic outlook... but how else do i describe this? Death is a reality, maybe the only one. Yet i won't accept it.....i can't accept it...

Near or far

Can i measure the distance between him and me? Should the distance be measured in space or time? One may live with a person under the same roof but the distance between the two might be the greatest. When the bodies are together one could be the furthest away from the other.

It works the other way round also. When i close my eyes i feel his breath on my face but isn't he in another state? Distance and time are no barriers. In fact, they are the carriers. Again, how do i measure the distance between him and me?

D..D..D..D..D..D..D..Dilli

Five days is too short a time to know a city but the place does demand lot more than just a mention in my blog. I close my eyes and think about my five days in dilli. Instantly, some images flash in my mind - the metro rail, good looking people, lecherous men, vastness of the place, the food at kaakke da hotel and the scorching heat. Everything in dilli seems large - large hearted & large-bellied punjabis. Ah yes! another thing that struck me was that there were sardars everywhere ( which is but natural but being from bangalore, one does not get to see these many sardars).
The excitement of travelling to a place on an official trip had not been much as it had meant leaving my dear one behind. But the trip turned out to be loads of fun. Thanks to the company my company had provided me. I also met some interesting people there. The coarse attitude of delhiites was fascinating. 'Gaalis' and aggression were in free flow. Sweet words and politeness had no place here. The 'laaton ke bhoot baaton se nahi maante' funda was definitely coined by some poor hassled person living in dilli.
If all were unanimous about one thing, that was that the girls in delhi were pretty. One guy went on to add "no wonder the crime rates are so high in delhi". But the baffling aspect was that the men in delhi were mostly lechers. They stared at you, stared at you and then stared at you some more till you felt something was terribly wrong or right with you. With so much beauty around, can we blame the beasts?
There was no crunch for space. Wide roads, huge houses, breathtaking malls - all was large scale. The metro service was damn impressive. We just loved hopping in and out of metro trains.
We paid a visit to the parantha gali in chandni chowk. The whole experience was good, though i can't say the same about the paranthas. The food at kaakke da hotel was awesome. The highlight was having a delicacy called gurda kapoore, which, by the way, i got to know later were goat's kidneys and testicles. Poor goats! Poor me! Considering the attitude of the men in delhi it would have been more appropriate to have a dish made out of their kapoores instead.
I got back from the hot, thriving, bustling capital city of our country to the cold, laidback, chaotic IT capital of india with a mixed feeling of sadness and joy. I felt sad that i was losing my free space, metro and the thrill of being a tourist. I was happy to get back to friends and family, familiar attitudes and terrains. As i got down at bangalore station and got the first blast of the cool air I was happy i was back but somewhere i had left a bit of my dil in dilli.

Update

After a long time I open my blog and force myself to scribble. But what? Nothing seems to interest me. Is it that i am becoming insensitive to the happenings around me? Maybe, i am too engrossed in myself(which is not unusual). Anyways, i usually do write only about me, i, myself...
Lot is happening. In fact, both personally and professionally, my life is at a crucial juncture. But i feel nothing. This numbness seems to have taken over my brain. I just can't think or remember. In a way, it's good. Let me just keep my eyes closed and be led into whatever.

Our universe

Though skeptical about many things that was taught at school, i believed the learned fact that i live on the planet earth and that this planet belongs to the solar system, with the sun at its centre. The milky way was the only galaxy i knew. Today, as i get older, i am becoming aware of the billion galaxies and systems around me. Every individual has his own galaxy. What is at the centre of the system differs from individual to individual. For some, the person himself is at the centre and the rest revolves around him/her and for some, it could be anything - money, power, love, a position, a person, a value, a concept, a lie...and then everything revolves around it

The search

Every night when i close my eyes i see this sea of darkness. I plunge deep into the wetness. I swim and wade through time and distance. On the way i see familiar faces and strange expressions. I want to linger but i realise i can't, nor can they. Everyone is constantly on the move. Reluctantly, i go deeper into the oblivion. Here i see strange creatures and yet they seem mine...they are coming closer...

Garbage

Trash disposal is so essential that we try to have that provision everywhere. Even our computers give us the option to remove unwanted things. What about our own systems? Do we have any trash disposal system working in us? The excretory system takes care of some kinds of disposals. But what about all the other accumulated rubbish? The dissapointments, disillusionments, resentments, fears, shattered hopes, broken hearts, fantasies, wants, unfulfilled desires, negative thoughts & feelings piling up in each body, each house, each street? What do we do with this collective trash? We have been hiding it, shoving it where others cannot see it. But the filth has piled up. We need a thorough cleansing.

Right or wrong

When one has too many options one tends to decide keeping in mind the right course of action. With changing values and expectations it has become even more difficult to know what exactly is right or wrong. When I try to be right in some way, i am being wrong some other way. Things that seem so right to me, are wrong for many. Every day I come across many wrongs being perpetrated by people, but these wrongs are considered right by most. In the name of religion, social systems, traditions and countless other convenient excuses human freedom and emotions are thwarted. Very few even feel that it is wrong. Their right is my wrong. My right is their wrong.