uma is bugging me

I can't be positive all the time. The overstress on the need to be optimistic and positive always is taking a toll on my honesty. If I have to be honest to my feelings I have to give more outlet to my crappy thoughts and feelings. I don't know if there are people who feel good about themselves all the time but I am definitely not one of them. I go through these periods of absolute self-loathing. This loathing can take physiological or psychological dimensions. I may hate my appearance or my nature but I would surely hate me. Like, now, I wish I could shake myself roughly and ask myself to go and take a hike. What the hell! too much is too much! Somebody save me from me..