D..D..D..D..D..D..D..Dilli

Five days is too short a time to know a city but the place does demand lot more than just a mention in my blog. I close my eyes and think about my five days in dilli. Instantly, some images flash in my mind - the metro rail, good looking people, lecherous men, vastness of the place, the food at kaakke da hotel and the scorching heat. Everything in dilli seems large - large hearted & large-bellied punjabis. Ah yes! another thing that struck me was that there were sardars everywhere ( which is but natural but being from bangalore, one does not get to see these many sardars).
The excitement of travelling to a place on an official trip had not been much as it had meant leaving my dear one behind. But the trip turned out to be loads of fun. Thanks to the company my company had provided me. I also met some interesting people there. The coarse attitude of delhiites was fascinating. 'Gaalis' and aggression were in free flow. Sweet words and politeness had no place here. The 'laaton ke bhoot baaton se nahi maante' funda was definitely coined by some poor hassled person living in dilli.
If all were unanimous about one thing, that was that the girls in delhi were pretty. One guy went on to add "no wonder the crime rates are so high in delhi". But the baffling aspect was that the men in delhi were mostly lechers. They stared at you, stared at you and then stared at you some more till you felt something was terribly wrong or right with you. With so much beauty around, can we blame the beasts?
There was no crunch for space. Wide roads, huge houses, breathtaking malls - all was large scale. The metro service was damn impressive. We just loved hopping in and out of metro trains.
We paid a visit to the parantha gali in chandni chowk. The whole experience was good, though i can't say the same about the paranthas. The food at kaakke da hotel was awesome. The highlight was having a delicacy called gurda kapoore, which, by the way, i got to know later were goat's kidneys and testicles. Poor goats! Poor me! Considering the attitude of the men in delhi it would have been more appropriate to have a dish made out of their kapoores instead.
I got back from the hot, thriving, bustling capital city of our country to the cold, laidback, chaotic IT capital of india with a mixed feeling of sadness and joy. I felt sad that i was losing my free space, metro and the thrill of being a tourist. I was happy to get back to friends and family, familiar attitudes and terrains. As i got down at bangalore station and got the first blast of the cool air I was happy i was back but somewhere i had left a bit of my dil in dilli.

Update

After a long time I open my blog and force myself to scribble. But what? Nothing seems to interest me. Is it that i am becoming insensitive to the happenings around me? Maybe, i am too engrossed in myself(which is not unusual). Anyways, i usually do write only about me, i, myself...
Lot is happening. In fact, both personally and professionally, my life is at a crucial juncture. But i feel nothing. This numbness seems to have taken over my brain. I just can't think or remember. In a way, it's good. Let me just keep my eyes closed and be led into whatever.

Our universe

Though skeptical about many things that was taught at school, i believed the learned fact that i live on the planet earth and that this planet belongs to the solar system, with the sun at its centre. The milky way was the only galaxy i knew. Today, as i get older, i am becoming aware of the billion galaxies and systems around me. Every individual has his own galaxy. What is at the centre of the system differs from individual to individual. For some, the person himself is at the centre and the rest revolves around him/her and for some, it could be anything - money, power, love, a position, a person, a value, a concept, a lie...and then everything revolves around it

The search

Every night when i close my eyes i see this sea of darkness. I plunge deep into the wetness. I swim and wade through time and distance. On the way i see familiar faces and strange expressions. I want to linger but i realise i can't, nor can they. Everyone is constantly on the move. Reluctantly, i go deeper into the oblivion. Here i see strange creatures and yet they seem mine...they are coming closer...

Garbage

Trash disposal is so essential that we try to have that provision everywhere. Even our computers give us the option to remove unwanted things. What about our own systems? Do we have any trash disposal system working in us? The excretory system takes care of some kinds of disposals. But what about all the other accumulated rubbish? The dissapointments, disillusionments, resentments, fears, shattered hopes, broken hearts, fantasies, wants, unfulfilled desires, negative thoughts & feelings piling up in each body, each house, each street? What do we do with this collective trash? We have been hiding it, shoving it where others cannot see it. But the filth has piled up. We need a thorough cleansing.

Right or wrong

When one has too many options one tends to decide keeping in mind the right course of action. With changing values and expectations it has become even more difficult to know what exactly is right or wrong. When I try to be right in some way, i am being wrong some other way. Things that seem so right to me, are wrong for many. Every day I come across many wrongs being perpetrated by people, but these wrongs are considered right by most. In the name of religion, social systems, traditions and countless other convenient excuses human freedom and emotions are thwarted. Very few even feel that it is wrong. Their right is my wrong. My right is their wrong.

I am living

I have not been scribbling these days. Actually, I have been scribbling quite a lot in my mind. There are so many things happening around me. High-rise buildings come up; majestic, decades-old trees are brought down; Anna Hazare starts anti-corruption campaign; IPL show begins; protests, elections, talks, deals, sai baba's health... Basically, life is alive and kicking and all are engrossed in living...I am so lost in death that nothing alive seems to register. If I scribble I scribble my confusion, my bewilderment, my constant thoughts of a voice I can no longer hear...a hand i can never ever touch

Life goes on...

The earthquake and tsunami in Japan have left the country shaken and shattered. Actually, this disaster has left whole mankind shaken. Thousands of dreams, hopes, desires washed away at one stroke! Life is definitely bizzare.

I have been in Japan(mentally) since this happened and felt the fear and confusion all around. I have heard the multitudes of 'whys' flooding the atmosphere. I could only add one more 'why' to the lot.
A reality that becomes very evident in situations like this is that life goes on...We, humans are like machines programmed to function in any given situation. Japan was being blotted out of the map and some countries away, a cricket tournament was being played out; movies were being released, marriages were being solemnised, fashions were being discussed: the race for money, power and life was on. And here i was, watching the play of life with thoughts of my own future(love, health, happiness)while munching a doughnut...life does go on...

The pain

He knew he was dying. I knew he was dying. We could do nothing. We didn't do anything.

Men rule our minds

Rape - a word that instantly brings gruesome pictures to mind. This act instils absolute fear, anger and disgust in most women. Fear of rape keeps women indoors; fear of rape makes women fear darkness; fear of rape makes women vulnerable. And man, for centuries, has preyed on this fear and used it to subjugate women. He has worked this fear to his advantage. And, he was the one who instilled this fear in women. I am sure there was a time when rape was "not a big deal" but with time it became a big deal. Any form of abuse is a big deal and rape is just that - a form of physical abuse. The day women learn to accept rape as a form of physical abuse and not the end of life will be the day women will be truly liberated. It is definitely the worst kind of physical abuse but it is just that - an act of abuse. We should learn to stop associating more (what men have worked on making us believe in) with it. The trauma will definitely be there, as with any kind of abuse. We have to overcome it like we do with any abuse. A huge repercussion of sex crimes is that it makes women fear and some men want that. This is the only way women's freedom and potential can be thwarted. This is the only way man can dominate. Rape has never been just about sex. Power has a lot to do with it. Man has for centuries made women feel that she is vulnerable because she can be raped. And we have lived with this because it's ingrained deep in our brains. Yes, we have this physical handicap but it does not mean that we should let men get away with bullying us. When a man gets raped why doesn't it become that great a trauma for him or the society? Does a man stop living free just because he was physically assaulted? We, women, should be able to develop the same attitude. We should not let it make us weak and afraid. I know it is a very tough task and we will need centuries to get out of this fear. But, till then, we cannot be truly free and equal to man. Let us not let men rule our minds as well...