Friday, March 26, 2010

The killer

Hours of laughter, banter and many rounds of rummy later my dad unwittingly left me shaken. My friends and family had thoroughly enjoyed our night of gambling and these friends were going home. My parents were going back to kerala the next day. So a usual farewell routine was being enacted. Only my dad got very emotional and looked at my friends and their son as if it were the last time he would be seeing them. He shook their hands and said, 'till we meet again'...and I could see it in his eyes and sense it in his voice that he was almost sure he would not meet them again. I felt a wrenching pain and stood mute witness to a 71-yr-old man's feelings. The fear of death looming larger than ever and so near....Time...the meanest, cruelest enemy. I look at the clock with dread. It is the villian that makes a man die a thousand deaths before he is dead. And then people say-nothing is in our hands...yes I stare at my hands and realise they are empty

Saturday, March 6, 2010

A thing called love

What is this thing called love? If it is a thing I might as well quantify it. A cup(big one) of love every morning and night should be good for my overall well-being. Or I might as well buy tonnes of love and stock...you never know, at times, the requirement shoots up. If love is a matter, then which state is it in? Solid – so I can eat love, what joy! the two greatest pleasures of life in a combi-pack. I am sure it has high calories and it is, of course, as addictive as chocolate. Too much love can thus be harmful. Love would be that treat you give yourself once in a while. Liquid – drinking love is the solution in this fast-paced age where noone has time for frivolities. Gas – Yes...this seems right...love is just gas ...invisible..no odour (it does stink at times though). You can’t see it till it takes the shape of the container(U may call it a 'lover'). The container has to be changed now and again, otherwise the chemical reaction results in the stinking I mentioned earlier. It plays havoc with your senses and can cause brain damage
Love...love...love...here I come...I will eat u, drink u, and then let u assail my senses

And they lived happily ever after

Marriages are made in heaven...the ones in India definitely are. Why else do you think Indian marriages are so successful. Just see the rate of divorces in India, it is far less compared to some other parts of the world. We are a country of happily married couples. And this is not just divine intervention, this happiness is borne out of the puurrrfect understanding in our marriages. There are no false pretenses over a concept called 'love'. We don't let such alien elements damage our marriages. We arrange our marriages, then arrange it more..chalk out the individual roles and make sure that all the ways out of it are shut tight. Now, if you are thinking all this is easy...you are yet to get to know the grit and determination of the Indian woman.
The Indian woman makes her subtle moves delicately, she is very gentle...She adopts her husband, taking care of all his needs right from his morning cup of tea to his romp in the bed at night.

Intelligence does play a great role in making marriages succeed. For instance, the wife sees to it that she makes an invalid out of her husband. He is like a 3-4-yr-old who needs to be chaperoned. Indian men do clean up after relieving themselves but for the rest, they marry.
The roles are defined. The man earns, the woman spends. The woman cooks, the man eats. The Indian woman is not demanding, she is content with her TV. And if she does get a little demanding at times, the man gives her some children to play with. This is what we call 'perfect understanding'.
What a blissful state of affairs..they love each other so much that they now cant live without each other...So every morning the 4-year-old goes out, works and comes home to his momma, wifey, sister, caretaker, lover...wow..what a package...which man wouldn't want free sex and hot food...
Long live Indian marriages..

The other side of family

Other things may change us, but we start and end with the family ‑ Anthony Brandt
Whether you call it one of nature’s masterpieces, the gift of god or a necessary evil, the family and the mammoth role it plays in the making of an individual and the society is irrefutable. It is a well-known fact that the family is the basic building block of a society and has for ages held a highly esteemed position in most people’s hearts and lives.
Right from the birth to the stage when an individual becomes an active, decision-making member of the society, his ideas and feelings are dominated and influenced by his family. A family brings a new entity into the world, nurtures and nourishes it. It is the haven for most in the world. A family is indeed a highly sensitive and responsible unit. In the context wherein the functions of a family cannot be undermined, one does wonder, are all families equipped to handle such a Herculean task?
Family passes on values and beliefs that are taught at an early stage. It ensures security, support and love, at times unconditional and more often, at a price. Being a part of a group ensures a security which is very comforting but also blinding and binding. This is more apparent in a traditional and orthodox society like India. Family demands unconditional obedience over love. One loves one’s family, not out of choice but because one is taught to love one’s family, again a value passed over by the family. The power the family wields over a person can many a times be unhealthy. It cripples the thinking power of an individual.
With all the good it does, the family structure also has the potential to cause harm. Bodies are nurtured but many souls are damaged forever in a family. Gender roles are learnt in the family. Girls are made to sacrifice their happiness at the altar of the family values. Her family’s shadow looms large over her at every stage of her life. She carries the responsibility of holding the family together all her life.
More than the outer projections of the effect of the family, it is the inner turmoil it creates in a person that is a great cause of concern. A person is what his family has made him to be. The confidence level in an individual is also determined by the family. Knowingly or unknowingly, the family can mar a person’s perception of himself to the extent that he feels guilty at being himself. In the case of a boy, the family instills in him the patriarchal values dominant in the society. He is made to feel superior to woman, being exposed to the gender power equations at home. Peer influence or education cannot change these deeply ingrained ‘values’.
The family prestige and name makes him opt for a career choice not his own. A life spent living for the family creates a frustration that is transmitted down generations. In the case of a girl, she learns to be docile, sub-serving and the peace maker at home. After all, she has the family honor to safeguard. Her personal and professional lives assume secondary status to her familial obligations.
Family takes precedence over the individual, traditions and values over human emotions. But how cordial can the society be if each entity in the society comes from certain distinct units where they have been brainwashed into a rigid way of thinking and behaving.
The family is an ever- changing institution. People opine that it is on the decline or dying. This is not a perfect institution. But then, what is? With all its imperfections it humanizes you, teaches you to share and adjust; be less selfish. And we all do need a family. Reality need not be taken for anti-family views. All one needs to do is look at family, the link to our past and a bridge to our future, more realistically. Bonds of love matter, not just the appearance of being a happy family.
Dodie Smith said, "The family - that dear octopus from whose tentacles we never quite escape, nor, in our inmost hearts, ever quite wish to.